Attempts

It is somewhat difficult to draw a feather.

But it is important to try.

Roland Barthes by Roland Barthes

'As a child, I was often and intensely bored. This evidently began very early, it has continued my whole life, in gusts (increasingly rare, it is true, thanks to work and to friends), and it has always been noticeable to others. A panic boredom, to the point of distress: like the kind I feel in panel discussions, lectures, parties among strangers, group amusements: wherever boredom can be seen. Might boredom be my form of hysteria?'

Whippoorwill

I'm not sure why people think they sound lonely. They don't sound so lonely to me.

Urban Excavation

I went to Urban Ore today. Maybe to look for a chair. Maybe for teaspoons. I ended up mostly just looking through a drawer of photographs. How do a person's photographs end up in a drawer at Urban Ore?

There were pictures of little kids.
A high school reunion.
Vacation.
The beach.

Some Places I Like

I don't even remember where these came from anymore. But I keep lots of images of rooms and houses I like in a big file on my work computer, and my last day of work is tomorrow. So they are getting dumped here. Those four look nice all together.

Rural Fantasies

The weather was beautiful yesterday, and so of course we went to the park. What else would we do? Sitting on a blanket in the grass, watching people play with their dogs, thinking about the parsley seeds I'd just gotten, and seeing, out of the corner of my eye, E playing wiffle ball I thought about this idea I've always had: That if I could live somewhere or somehow closer to plants and animals, and be a little bit quieter and more patient, pay more attention to a few people I know I love, this would be a good life. This would make me happy. And I wondered if I am moving closer to that life, or farther and farther away from it. Maybe I'll never really live that way, but the thought will animate the things I choose to do, or think about.

Maybe it will always be my idea of escape; the refuge I could take if I wanted to, but that I will always move away from in the end. Maybe I'll just keep it in my mind.

Or maybe I'll end up a goat farmer.

50 Things Before I Go, 1-10

1) The New York Public Library. For reading, for studying, for thinking, for taking a walk, for visiting my dad, for seeing a beautiful building, for being in the presence of books and books and books.



2) The Bohemian Hall and Beer Garden. I didn't go to the Astoria Beer Garden at all last year. I will not make that mistake again.

3) The Catskills. My favorite little big mountain range.

4) Celebrate Brooklyn. When I was a kid my parents would bring me, and they would sit on a blanket and drink beer while I ran around and danced with other kids I had just met, and would never see again. When it gets dark there are fireflies.

5) Magnolias at BBG. For me, magnolias aren't the plant whose flowering signals the start of Spring, but the plant whose flowering confirms that we are really in Spring. It's not just starting; it's here. The Brooklyn Botanic Garden has such spectacular ones-- especially the star magnolias, which you don't see people growing in their yards very often.

6) Brooklyn Brownstones. Not really something to do or see. Just something to pay attention to.

7) My Parents. I've never lived so far away from them in my entire life.

8) The Cloisters. This place always felt transformative and magical to me when I was little. They have a great garden, too.

9) Root Vegetables. I know-- they aren't in season now, and you can get them in the Bay Area, but still... They make me think of the Autumns I will be missing from now on.

10) Coney Island. My favorite place in the world, or one of them.